Look how delightful it is.
(Credit to Elizabeth for an excellent photographic capture)
(Credit to Elizabeth for an excellent photographic capture)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Hiatus Terminus
What-up bitches?! I apologise for my blogospheric absence. I can sense you have missed me. I know that you have been simply unable to continue with life under the burdensome pressure of anticipation for my next post. Well fear not, I am back with an incandescently intellectual and amusing post to illuminate and soothe the raw void I have so carelessly left in my trans-Atlantic wake.
So, what have I been up to since my last post? Well, many things.
First off: I have entered into a volatile love/hate relationship with the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. I am currently part way through the second book and I will say that critics didn't brand it "mommy porn" for no reason. It feels as if the content was plagiarised in its entirety from the tear-soaked libidinous fantasies of frustrated suburban housewives. Plus the writing style is so awkward it detracts completely from what could be some pretty decent sex scenes. At random points the author will shove in some incongruously brainy word which I then have to look up, like 'avuncular' or 'querulous'. It pisses me off and is so jarring against the otherwise shoddy quality of the writing. The persistent references to Elena Lincoln as a 'pedo', overuse of the phrase "holy crap" and Christian exclaiming; "You are Aphrodite, Anastasia." at her while she is naked all make me do a little bit of sick in my mouth. And if she refers to his "just fucked" hair one more time so help me I will punch a bitch. Plus I absolutely hate Ana. She is a hatefully wimpy human being with what seems to be a severe case of paranoid schizophrenia. She'll veer spectacularly between plucky and spirited to neurotic, whiny and clingy. So basically she's that girl you always avoided at school and parties. Then again - I realise I have no grounds to really complain as it is a dirty book and I'm just gonna keep on reading the shit out of it. Ana is therefore rendered inconsequential. If Christian is really as beautiful as he is described (*AHEM*Ryan Gosling*AHEM*Christian Bale) then I don't give no fucks. She is no more than an empty vehicle through which I vicariously experience these lascivious affairs. One might even say I am guy-winning.
On a slightly less debased note my inaugural 4th July celebrations were indeed, wonderfully American. Festivities began on the 3rd with a shin-dig at my workmate Lindsey's house. Everything was delightfully red white and blue, even the rice crispy treats and cocktails! The night then gradually descended into furious games of Articulate and playing with various (real, though unloaded) guns. The epically phallic shotgun and WW2 rifle being highlights. So thank you to the kind gentleman (whose name has slipped my mind) who literally took me to the gun show. On July 4th, my house mate had invited me to her aunt's house for a BBQ. It really was the most wonderful spread ever. SO much food and SO much beer. The ultimate combination, which was then topped off which a tequila shot and a Stars and Stripes cupcake. Standard. On we staggered to Elizabeth's office, right next to the Capitol building to watch the fireworks over the National Mall and drink yet more beer. No bad thing. It was particularly moving/hilarious when the fireworks ended, and the entire balcony erupted into a beer-fuelled chorus of "U-S-A!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!" I would have joined in but but I am neither cool enough nor American enough to pull that off. It would have just been awkward if I had - considering the very nature of the day. In fact, throughout the evening, several people heard me speaking all Bri'ish 'n' that and then proceeded to ask me if it was kind of awkward to for me to be here on Independence Day. My immediate reaction was to go, "What? Of course not! Why would it be?! Bitches be cray-cray." Then gradually as I thought about it I realised; yes, it probably is a bit, considering they are celebrating independence from the British. And I, as a British person, represent the shackles that oppressed them and the grievous fervour with which they longed for freedom from the Empire. So I began muttering about how they just wish they had invented Cornish pasties and apologising profusely for the Boston Tea Party (not really).
So what else have I done recently? Highlights have included visiting the Smithsonian Air and Space museum TWICE when it has been closed to the public. Once to see the director of NASA Charles Bolden give a lecture, and the second time for the midnight première of The Dark Knight Rises - a film about which I am now obsessed. Like, really. Though I did find it hilarious that essentially everyone from Inception was in it except poor old Leo De-Caff. Oh and Ellen 'MightBeaHermaphroditeButIStillLoveHer' Page. Suffice it to say I cried like an 8 year old mama's boy at the end and am now badgering everyone I know to take me with them if they go so I can see it again in all its cl-IMAX-ical glory.
It's a bit of a weird time at Greystone, everyone is starting to think about packing up and going home - as their summers are coming to an end. Whereas I am going NO PLACE FAST. The idea that I will be here till DECEMBER is freaking me out for shiz. It still seems like such a long way away. It is also a long time to continue to deal with sinks piled high with dirty dishes and smelly bins and fridges. I'm guessing that by September I will have added to the mess with the splatter of my brains all over the cheap, filthy cookware. Yeah, I'm dark now.
Anywho, I'm off to attempt not to sweat. An exercise in futility if ever there was one.
xx
So, what have I been up to since my last post? Well, many things.
First off: I have entered into a volatile love/hate relationship with the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. I am currently part way through the second book and I will say that critics didn't brand it "mommy porn" for no reason. It feels as if the content was plagiarised in its entirety from the tear-soaked libidinous fantasies of frustrated suburban housewives. Plus the writing style is so awkward it detracts completely from what could be some pretty decent sex scenes. At random points the author will shove in some incongruously brainy word which I then have to look up, like 'avuncular' or 'querulous'. It pisses me off and is so jarring against the otherwise shoddy quality of the writing. The persistent references to Elena Lincoln as a 'pedo', overuse of the phrase "holy crap" and Christian exclaiming; "You are Aphrodite, Anastasia." at her while she is naked all make me do a little bit of sick in my mouth. And if she refers to his "just fucked" hair one more time so help me I will punch a bitch. Plus I absolutely hate Ana. She is a hatefully wimpy human being with what seems to be a severe case of paranoid schizophrenia. She'll veer spectacularly between plucky and spirited to neurotic, whiny and clingy. So basically she's that girl you always avoided at school and parties. Then again - I realise I have no grounds to really complain as it is a dirty book and I'm just gonna keep on reading the shit out of it. Ana is therefore rendered inconsequential. If Christian is really as beautiful as he is described (*AHEM*Ryan Gosling*AHEM*Christian Bale) then I don't give no fucks. She is no more than an empty vehicle through which I vicariously experience these lascivious affairs. One might even say I am guy-winning.
On a slightly less debased note my inaugural 4th July celebrations were indeed, wonderfully American. Festivities began on the 3rd with a shin-dig at my workmate Lindsey's house. Everything was delightfully red white and blue, even the rice crispy treats and cocktails! The night then gradually descended into furious games of Articulate and playing with various (real, though unloaded) guns. The epically phallic shotgun and WW2 rifle being highlights. So thank you to the kind gentleman (whose name has slipped my mind) who literally took me to the gun show. On July 4th, my house mate had invited me to her aunt's house for a BBQ. It really was the most wonderful spread ever. SO much food and SO much beer. The ultimate combination, which was then topped off which a tequila shot and a Stars and Stripes cupcake. Standard. On we staggered to Elizabeth's office, right next to the Capitol building to watch the fireworks over the National Mall and drink yet more beer. No bad thing. It was particularly moving/hilarious when the fireworks ended, and the entire balcony erupted into a beer-fuelled chorus of "U-S-A!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!" I would have joined in but but I am neither cool enough nor American enough to pull that off. It would have just been awkward if I had - considering the very nature of the day. In fact, throughout the evening, several people heard me speaking all Bri'ish 'n' that and then proceeded to ask me if it was kind of awkward to for me to be here on Independence Day. My immediate reaction was to go, "What? Of course not! Why would it be?! Bitches be cray-cray." Then gradually as I thought about it I realised; yes, it probably is a bit, considering they are celebrating independence from the British. And I, as a British person, represent the shackles that oppressed them and the grievous fervour with which they longed for freedom from the Empire. So I began muttering about how they just wish they had invented Cornish pasties and apologising profusely for the Boston Tea Party (not really).
So what else have I done recently? Highlights have included visiting the Smithsonian Air and Space museum TWICE when it has been closed to the public. Once to see the director of NASA Charles Bolden give a lecture, and the second time for the midnight première of The Dark Knight Rises - a film about which I am now obsessed. Like, really. Though I did find it hilarious that essentially everyone from Inception was in it except poor old Leo De-Caff. Oh and Ellen 'MightBeaHermaphroditeButIStillLoveHer' Page. Suffice it to say I cried like an 8 year old mama's boy at the end and am now badgering everyone I know to take me with them if they go so I can see it again in all its cl-IMAX-ical glory.
It's a bit of a weird time at Greystone, everyone is starting to think about packing up and going home - as their summers are coming to an end. Whereas I am going NO PLACE FAST. The idea that I will be here till DECEMBER is freaking me out for shiz. It still seems like such a long way away. It is also a long time to continue to deal with sinks piled high with dirty dishes and smelly bins and fridges. I'm guessing that by September I will have added to the mess with the splatter of my brains all over the cheap, filthy cookware. Yeah, I'm dark now.
Anywho, I'm off to attempt not to sweat. An exercise in futility if ever there was one.
xx
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